Almost Fifty years ago…

 I didn’t marry the man I loved because he didn’t ask me.

 I did marry a man I didn’t love because he did ask me.

 At age 22 I was afraid that was my best option.

How crazy was that?

The surprise is that I had a very good life because I realized my life was a modern 

retelling of Charlotte Lucas. Yes, Charlotte Lucas from the world of Pride and Prejudice.

Ironically my name is Charlotte. I married a man who knew how to love me, treat me well, and with respect.

 I am not a one of those girls who likes to throw herself upon the men, and flirt, or be all “look at me.” My mother always wanted me to go to college, and find a husband. If you ask me though (even though no one ever does, but if you do ask me), I will tell you that my mother was stuck in the 20^th century. This is the 21^st century. I know a lot of people might want to go to college to find a boyfriend and get married, but I wanted to go to improve my mind. Against my will, I agreed that I would try to find a husband at school. This was the only way I could attend the school without having to pay full tuition by myself. She said that she would pay for half of my education under the one condition. I had to be a serious relationship that would most likely lead to an engagement (preferably be engaged or married) before my graduation day. 

Halfway through my third semester of college, I had little hope of fulfilling my mother’s desire. I had fallen in love with my best friend, Luke Roberts, who sat next to me in at least one class each semester. Like me, he was also an English major. We would study for almost all of our tests together, arguing back and forth if Hamlet had feigned madness or if he had really gone mad. Sometimes we would agree on how to interpret a particular poem that E.E. Cummings had wrote, but sometimes we had such conflicting ideas that we became more confused than when we before we started to study. 

I even remember one time when I wrote this pathetic poem, and I thought that it was the greatest thing I’d ever written to date. As a good friend, he told me the truth and helped me to see how terrible it was because of the lack of consistency in my rope metaphor. 

I loved him and waited for the day when he would ask me on a special, special date, and he would whisper some love sonnet we had studied together into my ear. But that day had never come. 

As my college career progressed, I saw him date, and eventually marry Amelia Adercath. She was not plain like me. Her nails were always French-manicured and unbitten. Her sense of style was very European and classy. 

When I had realized he was beginning to love her and become as entranced as Mr. Darcy was in Elizabeth, I searched for another man that could see me more than as a friend. I began to think that student loans were going to get larger when I graduated; I was not fulfilling my side of the bargain. 

I was in my last semester of junior year and Allen Mathews began to try everything in his power get me to out with him. He was not amazingly handsome as my dear friend Luke was, but I eventually relented. I was so afraid that I would not be able to get engaged before I graduated. I did not want to live in debt for half my life. This was my chance to live debt free. I really hoped that this meant he saw past my plain face and to my character. 

A week before graduating, I had been dating Allen for 1 ½ years. I didn’t really love him, but I knew that he was very much in love with me. He told me so often. I lead him to believe I did as well. He took me to the most elegant restaurant in town, and proposed on one knee for all the people in the restaurant to see. I accepted him, even though I did not love him and was afraid I never would love him.

 At age 22 I was afraid that was my best option. I only had to pay half of my college tuition, and looking back I realize how good my life I have been. Almost fifty years later, we are still married and are sending our own children to college.