The New Year should come with tidings of peace, hope and joy right? After all, that is what everyone will wish on you. I remember one particular December 31^st that ended with some of the gravest news I’d  heard in the 17 years I had existed. 

Below the thick wood floor I could hear the people laughing and chattering, oblivious. My mother sat on the couch of the large robin-egg blue bedroom with me at her feet, my legs folded on the floor and my sister in the rocking chair to the right. A moment before our mother had pressed end on her cell phone and snapped it shut. 

“What did the doctor say Mama?” my sister Michelle asked hesitantly

“The biopsy was positive girls. I have breast cancer.” 

My mom’s voice sounded so full of astonishment and sadness. My head popped up from folded arms and I stared at my mom in shock, my arms were still folded in her lap.  I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want to believe. The words began to seep in and were repeated over and over in my mind. My mom has cancer, my mom has cancer. It is so hard to grasp, to understand when it hits you so near to someone close to you. Of course a friend of a friend had had it, an uncle, but never had I thought my mother. Never anyone so dear to me. Thinking these things made me cry. I couldn’t hold emotion in any longer, I began to weep. 

“Oh Lisa, my lovey. Come here.” my mom coxed. She reached out her long slender arms to me and patted the white, blue, and gray braided cushion next to her. I inched my way to the seat beside my mother. She rocked me gently back and forth in her arms, brushed my hair with her fingers, and kissed the top of my head. I sobbed into her shoulders as she just waited for me to catch my breath. Michelle was still on the chair beside the couch.  “Come here ,Shelly.” our mother asked. “Careful, don’t hit yourself on the coffee table.” My mom was trying to ignore it it seemed, but maybe she was just longing to be a mother even more knowing is was endangered. 

My sister came close sitting on the floor where I had sat a few moments before. Her head rested on my mother’s lap and tears were in her eyes. Chattering and more people could still be heard. 

“I don’t want to lose you Mama,” I said between sobs. “God knows that I still need you. He can’t take you away from me. I can’t live without you.” I screeched out with tears and crying still welling in my eyes and voice. 

“God knows what He is doing girls. I do not know why I am so calm about this whole thing. I should be much more upset. I know He has His hand in this. I don’t know why He is doing this, but He does have a reason for this cancer. He is in control.” Mama responded as she continued to stroke my hair as well as my sisters, brushing our brown hair with her fingers.

I got up to get tissues and mumbled my urge to my mother. I walked behind the couch to the bathroom and turned the knob door. 

I came back to the couch and plopped down at my mother’s side. My mom moved to the middle and my sister came to her other side.  Each arm was around Michelle and me.  Mama wanted to reassure us that it would turn out according to the best of God’s will.

“It will be a long and hard road, but God is in control. He knows what He is doing.”

“Did Dr. Fazli say anything about treatment or anything mama?” Michelle asked.

“No. Michelle dear. They will need to call for an oncologist appointment after the New Year comes. I don’t have any more information now.”

Footsteps creaked on the back steps and then through the hallway. The doorknob turned. In came my Father, he asked us to return to the party downstairs. 

“I got the results Raymond. It is cancer.”

My father came to us and sat on the small edge of the couch still left. He patted each of us. He said so untouched, 

“Oh no, that’s terrible.” His eyebrows were raised and his voice was stern, but he asked to come back down whenever we were ready. He sat with us for ten minutes in silence. He returned downstairs to the chattering.

“Why doesn’t daddy show any emotion Mama, you just told him really bad news?” asked Michelle as she turned her head to look at mother.

“Your father has always been like that. His way of coping with grief or unpleasant things is to ignore it. It isn’t exactly healthy, but he does. You girls should try to go down a little bit more. I’ll be fine. Dry your eyes.” 

“I’ll come check on you. I love you so much Mama. I don’t want to leave you for long.”

My mother needed to know how much I loved, and needed her to be part of my life. I never thought that this could have happened to my family. New tidings for this new year seemed like a large clique that resounded December 31^st.  I didn’t want to surrender my mother to anything in this world. When my sister spoke, I was woken from my stupor of thinking. 

“Love you too Mama” Michelle said

“I love you more than you can understand my girls. God knows what He is doing we can trust Him. I will be down soon.” 

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